Geography 101

I always enjoyed Geography in grade school but in retrospect, something was missing... good music. Below I have ranked the best "Geographic" bands and the respective reasons for their rankings.

10. Asia - The largest continent in the world and quite possibly one of the worst bands. "Do you know how I know you are gay? You have a poster of Asia on your wall." Not that this quote from "The 40-year-old Virgin" sums up the band, but it does show a little disrespect towards this group hailing from... England? Featuring members of the brilliant progressive rock bands King Crimson, Emerson, Lake & Palmer, and Yes, Asia is not necessarily a force to be reckoned with compared to the geographic region covered mainly by tundra, or all that brilliant, despite it being a "supergroup". They had one single that people remember, "Heat Of The Moment" yet were able to produce a few "Greatest Hit" albums. Must have been to fulfill a record label contract. Do any of you have an Asia album? If you do, please stop reading this blog.


9. Berlin - The capital city of Germany and the reason "Top Gun" was an international phenomenon. Berlin is from America and produced the single "Take My Breath Away" (aka 'Love Theme from "Top Gun"') which still gives me Goose-bumps and recalls imagery of Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis in one of the steamiest scenes caught on film (OK, a little puke just came up while writing that.) Recently, Berlin was featured on VH1's Bands Reunited and obviously that did not lead to anything productive or memorable.


8. Chicago - The Midwest metropolis, birth place to Jake and Elwood Blues and an American rock band from, well, Chicago oddly enough. Fronted by Peter Cetera on bass, Chicago has sold over 120 million albums and is second only to the Beach Boys as the most successful American rock bands in terms of albums and singles. Initially, Chicago was a good band. They produced the hit singles "25 or 6 to 4" and "Saturday In The Park", then went on to produce garbage like "You're The Inspiration". Chicago is dead to me now and anything but an inspiration.


7. Europe - Birthplace of "Western Culture" and legendary arena rock band. Exported from Sweden, this band brings you instantly back to the 80s. Europe produced the megahits "The Final Countdown" and "Carrie". The band went on to sell 3 million copies of "The Final Countdown" in the US alone. Some nights I dream that Europe was from Poland.


6. Nazareth - Childhood home of Jesus Christ and 70s Scottish rock band. Nazareth released "Hair Of The Dog" and "Love Hurts" from the album "Hair Of The Dog" in 1975. "Hair of the Dog" soon became the Hell's Angels theme song; "Now you're messing with a son of a bitch". The band didn't do much more after that. But being the city which reared the central figure of Christianity, they move up on this list.


5. Alabama - Home of the Crimson Tide, Bo Bice, and the country music juggernaut. Regardless of if you like country music or not, Alabama is extraordinary. Alabama is one of the most commercially successful American bands of all time. Alabama has produced 23 studio albums, 32 number one singles and 2,789 cases of oral cancer secondary to 8.6 billion cans of Skoal chewed. Their most notable singles include "Mountain Music", "Roll On" and "If You're Gonna Play In Texas (You Gotta Have A Fiddle In The Band)".


4. America - Land of the free, home of the brave and 70s folk-rock band. Sons of American fathers and British mothers, their fathers being military personnel stationed at a United States Air Force base in London, America was a great band who blended folk and rock perfectly. Their harmonizing was unmatched (only Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young could compete.) Just listen to the singles "A Horse With No Name", "Sister Golden Hair", and the brilliant "Ventura Highway".


3. Kansas - Referenced in Oz and American progressive rock band from Topeka. Kansas rise to fame occurred in the 70s with such notable hits as "Carry On Wayward Son", "Dust In The Wind" and "Point Of No Return." Just listen to "Carry On Wayward Son" again... that's why Kansas is number 3.


2. Portishead - Coastal town in Somerset, England and trip-hop pioneers. Portishead first hit the scene in the mid 1990s with the release of their debut album "Dummy" in 1994. The band formed in Bristol, Eng, just 8 miles east of Portishead and have since helped to develop a new type of music. Frequently being cited as despising the term "trip-hop", Portishead, along with Massive Attack are primarily responsible for creating a style of music that blends electronic music with a slow tempo and driving beats. Being #4 on my "Best Albums of the 90s" list, "Dummy" is a monumental record. Being somewhat reclusive, the band has only released two other studio albums; "Portishead" in 1997 and "Third" in 2008.


1. Boston - Baked beans, tea party's and classic rock royalty. Boston was the brain child of Tom Scholz whom first started writing music in 1969 while attending Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Boston's debut self-titled album, released in 1976, has gone platinum 17 times and is the second best-selling debut album of all-time in the US following GN'R's "Appetite For Destruction". Their singles include "More Than a Feeling", "Peace of Mind", "Foreplay/Long Time", "Rock and Roll Band", "Smokin'", "Don't Look Back" and "Amanda". Overall, Boston has sold over 31 million albums in the US alone. Despite the death of original lead singer Brad Delp, Boston continues to rock.